As a child, and even now, one of the most important Christmas traditions is selecting a Christmas ornament each year. Already with the release of the Hallmark Christmas ornament catalog in August, considering which Christmas ornament we would want to select each year began on the rainy days of family vacation at Keuka Lake. From our first Christmases as babies to this year, my sisters and I have always gotten one or two ornaments each year. When we would decorate our Christmas tree, we would reminiscence, recognizing different stages of our childhood and youth, our development and growth represented in our Christmas ornaments, which we always hung on our family Christmas tree ourselves.
O Christmas Tree!(?)
Not being home for Christmas for the first time ever, the question arose: To buy a Christmas tree or not to buy a Christmas tree? Although I cannot imagine Christmas without a Christmas tree, I knew that I would also likely being spending neither Christmas Eve nor Christmas Day at home. And then came the logical factors of the decision: is it worthwhile to spend so much money on a Christmas tree, which would only stand in my room for close to two weeks? And what of the environmental impact of buying such a tree? So as a result of this deliberation and indecision, I left the dilemma unresolved (since I do not enjoy making decisions on such matters) and in doing so, by default had until the beginning of this week decided, in effect, not to buy a Christmas tree.
Thy leaves are so unchanging;
Not only green when summer's here,
But also when 'tis cold and drear.
On Friday last week at our Christmas party for the children and youth at the Kindertreff, the reality hit me. I would not be home for Christmas. I would not experience the traditions that have become so self-explanatory and which I have taken for granted year after year. I would not be able to see my family. As this realization hit, I accepted that it was okay to be homesick, especially at Christmas. As my friend Miriam Wood shared with me, “being homesick isn't bad - because it just means that you came from somewhere you were loved. So it's ok to be homesick, I think - because you are certainly loved here.”
And yet the tradition, the consistency of a normal Christmas celebration still remained absent. While reading my daily devotional from Dietrich Bonhoeffer this week, one day’s devotional was an excerpt from a letter from Bonhoeffer to his parents during his time in prison:
“The awareness of a spiritual tradition that reaches through the certainties gives one a certain feeling of security in the face of all transitory difficulties. I believe that those who know they possess such reserves of strength do not need to be ashamed even of softer feelings – which in my opinion are still among the better and nobler feelings of humankind – when remembrance of a good and rich past calls them forth. Such feelings will not overwhelm those who hold fast to the values that no one can take from them.”
So. In these reflections on my own homesickness, the need for “remembrance of a good and rich past” and the practical offering of my supervisor to borrow her extra Christmas ornaments, I decided that the unchanging leaves of the Christmas tree that marked each Christmas were needed, especially “when ‘tis cold and drear.”
Much pleasure thou can'st give me;
How often has the Christmas tree
Afforded me the greatest glee!
And so it came to be that I purchased my very first Christmas tree. I went to the small tree market set up close to my district town hall, and not knowing the appropriate etiquette in a German Christmas tree market, simply selected the Christmas tree I wanted and took it to be bound. I carried the Christmas tree home – just like they always do in the Christmas movies when the main characters live in the city. Other than the lack of snow, it was perfect. I had acquired my Christmas tree.
According to German tradition, Christmas trees are put up and decorated on December 24th. Since I had only purchased mine on the 22nd and was still working most of the week, I decided that I could wait and observe this tradition. I invited one of my roommates, who flew home this afternoon to celebrate Christmas with her family, to decorate my Christmas tree with me this morning. Of all the Christmas preparations that the previous week had brought, my roommate declared decorating my Christmas tree with me as the highlight of the week; her family’s Christmas tree would already be decorated by the time she arrived home this evening.
Thy candles shine so brightly!
From base to summit, gay and bright,
There's only splendor for the sight.
Clearly, none of the Christmas ornaments hung upon my tree are mine. My new ornament for this year is not hung upon this tree, but the one at home, with my family. The decorations here are neither the ornaments of my childhood nor the ornaments passed down within my family. And yet the Christmas tree is mine. It is decorated with electric candles, and wooden ornaments, like the German Christmas trees that I had only seen in photos. But never in real life. And yet, it fits. It is perfect. And although it is different, it still holds the tradition, the intention, the love, peace, joy and hope that Christmas is and should be.
And so I will close with another tradition. Every year, before going to church on Christmas Eve, we take a family photo in front of our Christmas tree. And this year I won’t be in it. But, here is, at least, a picture in front of my Christmas tree.
How richly God has decked thee!
Thou bidst us true and faithful be,
And trust in God unchangingly.
O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum,
Wie treu sind deine Blätter.
Du grünst nicht nur zur Sommerzeit,
Nein auch im Winter wenn es schneit.
O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum,
Wie grün sind deine Blätter!
O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum,
Du kannst mir sehr gefallen!
Wie oft hat schon zur Winterszeit
Ein Baum von dir mich hoch erfreut!
O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum,
Du kannst mir sehr gefallen!
O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum,
Dein Kleid will mich was lehren:
Die Hoffnung und Beständigkeit
Gibt Mut und Kraft zu jeder Zeit!
O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum,
Dein Kleid will mich was lehren.
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